Vermilion
by dingue
Summary: FINISHED Reality had not yet set in for anyone. It wasn't possible.. it wasn't probable.. had it actually happened? Set slightly AU after the rescue of the remaining survivors. KateSawyer.
1. Part One

Vermilion

**Author**: ishoot-yourun

**Disclaimer**: Everything, save my plot, it property of ABC and all the other obscure people who own the show "Lost".

**Summary**: Reality had not yet set in for anyone. It wasn't possible.. it wasn't probable.. had it actually happened? Set slightly AU after the rescue of the remaining survivors. Kate/Sawyer. One shot.

**Author's Note**: pfft wrote all this while taking a "break" from exam studying and listening to sappy rock songs. happy holidays! :D

x**x**x**x**x**x**x**x**x**x**x**x**

Kate leaned forward against the warm, white railing, putting all her weight on her arms. Her hair swept over her face with the wind and the sea spray. Her eyes were focused on one thing - the island. Yes, they had finally been rescued! It was almost unfathomable though, the rescue had been such a blur. They had been spotted by a passing cruise boat. _Extremely strange,_ Locke's voice ran lingered in her mind. _'How a boat like that managed to pass this island and spot us.. Strange._'

Well, he had always been an odd guy. One would almost think he regretted to leave the island. Once a rescue boat reached the sandy shore, he tried to escape. He said he had left something in the caves and disappeared for over an hour until Sayid left to look for him. Returning sevaral hours later, the two had mixed stories of 'I lost my way!' from Locke and 'The man's insane..' from Sayid. It was funny though, Kate found she felt a bit the same. A slight feeling of regret nagged at her as she swayed with the undulating pulse of the ship.

_Crazy_.. Se remarked to herself everytime that thought occurred to her. It was obviously better to leave the island as it was riddled with unseen dangers and my God did the endless blue drive everyone nuts. She signed leaning farther over the railing. An occasional survivor passed by on the deck below. Wondering where Jack might have gone off to, she glanced around behind her.

There was Charlie, Claire, and her baby sitting on long lawn chairs. Claire handed Tom, her beautiful baby boy, to Charlie as she yawned and laid back on her chair. Charlie looked a bit nervous, clearly not knowing what to do but as the baby began to giggle and reach up to feel his scratchy beard he smiled. Farther back was Walt lying in the sun with Vincent, his tail wagging madly. Kate turned around and leaned backwards on the rail, squinting into the sun. Her spirits lightened as Kack emerged from a door. He waved and joined her by the railing.

"Funny seeing you here, stranger." He grinned at Kate who half heartedly smiled back. She had never gotten as close to a person as she had gotten to Jack. Yes, they had their arguments, dark secrets, different feelings - but they were like best friends, destined to find each other one day. During the first month, Kate was completely, head over heels in love with the man. He was superman, afterall. What's not to love? However, as the days progressed, she realized that someone like her could never deserve him. No. She forced herself to believe that she loved him as a brother, as a friend, and that's how her love grew.

Kate was glad she had Jack. Even though Sawyer made her life hell, he was always there to cheer her up. She turned again and leaned back against the railing, squinting up into the sun. She smirked as she caught a glimpse of Sawyer's retreating back on the deck above. It was funny how quiet he had been the last month. It was almost as if he had lost interest in bothering her altogether. Kate smirked. She wasn't one to complain. He certainly deserved the silent treatment of his unrequited love. He was evil, that insolent hick! He could certainly give the dangers on the island a run for their money. She pushed the thought of Sawyer to the far corners of her mind and turned to gaze out on the patch of green and gold growing smaller and smaller by the minute.

"Do you.. have you ever felt a bit, well, sad about leaving?" Kate questioned Jack tentatively.

"What?" Jack asked in disbelief.

"I mean, the island. Do you ever feel regretful, maybe, that you're never going to see it again?" She repeated a bit quieter.

"Are you kidding?" Jack's voice rose. "I've never been happier to leave a place." He shook his head staring out on the ocean. A moment later he cast a sideways glance at Kate. "Why.. do you?" Kate was silent. No, she wasn't sad to leave. She just felt a little bit odd about it. It was a completely new feeling to her. It was like knowing you're never going to be able to see someone or something again, except she didn't know what she was missing. There was certainly nothing on the island to miss!

"No, well, I don't know. I guess I'm just confused."

"About what?" Kate grimaced. Why did he always have to ask so many questions?

"You know, I'm probably just tired. I'm going to get some sleep."

"Okay," Jack called after her. "Hope you feel better soon."

x**x**x**x**x**x**

Kate slammed her cabin door shut and threw herself onto her bed, burying her face into her sand papery pillow. She moaned into it venting all her feelings out. A few minutes later she sat up, her hair a bit messier than before. She let her feet dangle off the bed as she sighed, staring at the ground.

"Stressed?" A deep, heavy, southern accent spoke out. Kate's head snapped up and her eyes met with another's. His sandy blonde hair stuck out about his head and his mouth curled into a smirk, dimples digging into his cheeks clearly. He leaned back in his chair and crossed his legs comfortably. Kate stood up quickly.

"Get out." She ordered coldly. The man's grin grew wider. It could almost compare to that of the Grinch's.

"You know, your room is so much bigger than mine. I think I'll stay." Kate was seething by now.

"Sawyer! Get out of my cabin!" A murderous stare glared through her lashes. He laughed.

"And what are you going to do? Call Jack to come kick my ass? That little fuck couldn't kick a fly." Kate rolled her eyes.

"You're a jerk, you know." She commented fiercely and left her room.

x**x**x**x**x**x**

She stormed through the corridors of the ship trying to find a place to go without being bothered by SOME PEOPLE. She couldn't even go to her own room for God's sake! As she came across the stairs she glanced up to see Jack crossing the second level. _No,_ She thought turning back. _I need somewhere to be alone_. She continued walking passing doors upon doors until she decided to open a tall, thin black one. Carefully she put her hand on the copper knob and forced it open.

"Woah." Rows upon rows of books lined each wall. "A library?" She mused aloud. There was no one she could see in the room so she entered further. "This is a pretty nice cruise ship.." She paused by the nearest shelf. "_Twenty Thousand Leagues Under The Sea.. Moby Dick_.." She snorted. "Figures." There was a large red couch in the center of the library. Still feeling beaten down and tired, she approached it and peered over the back to make sure no one was asleep on it. Relieved by seeing it empty, she laid herself down on it and closed her eyes, slipping into the dark abyss of sleep.

x**x**x**x**x**x**

Kate's eyes opened slowly at the sound of breaking glass. Frightened for a moment, she thought she was still on the island. Before she could sit up, a southern voice drawled,

"Nice." _Sawyer!"_ She thought remembering where she was.

"Bugger.." _And Charlie?_ What were they doing here? "Hey, let's sit down." Footsteps shuffled for a moment until Sawyer spoke.

"No, let's make this fast." _Make what fast?"_ Kate wondered.

"Mmkay." Charlie remarked in a bored sort of voice. Beads of sweat formed at Kate's hairline as she strained her ears to hear better.

"Listen. You are the only person that's gonna hear this and it's only because you are the only one who can understand." _What the hell is he talking about?_

"Stop it, you're embarrassing me." Charlie answered sarcastically. "So, what's this all about anyways?"

"I need your help."

"My help? With what.." Sawyer hesitated.

"I-I need help with, well, say you were in a situation where you liked someone but they didn't seem to feel that way because you weren't exactly the nicest-"

"You like Kate but she hates your guts." A slamming noise like a book being thrown on the ground made Kate jump slightly. "Uh, I don't think I can help you there."

"Just tell me something, anything I can do to change our relationship! I'm running out of time and I need her, dammit! I need her." Kate felt a shiver run down her spine. This was certainly not Sawyer talking. She must still be dreaming. Kate knew Sawyer was attracted to her but hell, it was all lust.. wasn't it?

"I know what you were when you met Claire. You were a druggie."

"Hey, how'd you find-" Charlie started angrily.

"But I also know that you changed and now you're with Claire, a good, pure person." Suddenly Charlie squeaked as he was shaken back and forth by Sawyer. "How! Did! You! Do! It?!"

"Iii chaaaaanngeed!" He tried to speak while being shaken. Wrestling himself free, he took several steps back crunching on the glass of the book stopper he had knocked over. "I got rid of the drugs, you know. I knew I could never have someone like Claire if I was still that horrible person I had been. She was having a baby after all.. and if I even wanted to fantasize myself as a father figure, that'd be the first thing to go."

"But.. Claire never hated you!"

"She withdrew a bit after she found out about the drugs." Sawyer groaned. "You just need to be friendly! Be nice. Anyone can do that. Stop being so mean and sarcastic all the time and Kate might just come to you.. if.." He trailed off quietly.

"I can't do that."

"And why is that?"

"Because."

"Because..?"

"Because she's such a strong person! And I'm weak. I'll never amount to any part of her – ever." Charlie began to speak but Sawyer cut him off again. "Whatever. I'm out. I don't need to talk to people about my problems anyways." He stormed out of the room slamming to door behind him. By now Kate was shaking uncontrollably. That was the strangest thing she had ever heard. Sawyer actually had real feelings for her? She froze again at the sound of heavy footsteps towards her. Then..

"Woah." She glanced up at Charlie's surprised face.

"Uh.." Her voice cracked.

"Did you just hear that?" Kate nodded weakly. "So.. what are you thinking right about now?" Kate sighed.

"I'm thinking about throwing myself over the back of the ship."

"You hate him that bad?"

"No! I don't hate him, I-" Charlie interrupted with a knowing smile and waggling eyebrows. "Stop that!" She ordered. "I just, I don't.. oh, everything is so confusing right now. Before I got stuck on the stupid island I could always run. Just run and run away from my problems, away from it all. But for several months now I haven't been able to run at all. I've been having to deal with my problems." She could feel tears welling in her eyes. "It's so much to deal with.."

"I'm sorry." Charlie sympathized.

"Don't be." An awkward silence followed as Kate trailed off into thought.

"So.. Charlie began. "What are you going to do about Sawyer?" Kate leaned back against the couch in despair.

"I'm alone. I've always been alone and that should never change." She stood up slowly. "Bye Charlie."

x**x**x**x**x**x**

_she is everything to me_**  
**

Sawyer slammed his hand against the wall of his cabin. A dull echo resounded through his room. A normal person would have been hopping up and down tenderly holding their throbbing hand, but the pain in his heart was millions of times worse. He fell back onto his bed staring at the ceiling trying to sort out his emotions.  
_  
__the unrequited dream_

He liked Kate.  
_  
__the song that no one sings_

No, loved her. Loved her more that air or play boy magazines or life itself.

_the unattainable_

He hated himself for being such an ass on the island. He had had four whole months to be nice.

_she's a myth that i have to believe in_

He hated Jack for being quicker than he. He hated him for being boring and virtuous. Of course Kate would go for him. The bad girl always went for the good guy. He hated himself for being the bad guy. How did he ever end up like that..

_all i need to make it real is one more reason_

This was the point in one's life where one feels completely lost in every direction. He hated that.

_i don't know what to do_

Sawyer sighed in desperation, clutching his face. Girls had never been a problem for him before. Usually, they just came to him. The hot ones too. So why was Kate always so angry with him? The way she spat his name always made him sad every time he heard it.

_i don't know what to do when she makes me sad_

This is how Sawyer spent every night on the island. Every night he would come out from under his tent, spread out on the warm sand under a blanket of twinkling stars and let the steady beat of the tide slapping against the shore rock him to sleep. Every night he would dream of Kate. Every night he would vow to change the very next day – become a real, responsible adult, changing from the childish, annoying one he was. After all, Jack acted all 'grown up' and look who Kate chose!  
_  
__but i won't let this build up inside of me_

By now he was incredibly depressed. Now that they were leaving the island, he wasn't going to get the opportunity to dream of how he could change the next morning and sweep her off her feet. No, he wasn't even going to see her again. That ripped his heart out. Sadly, he let sleep take him.

_i won't let this build up inside of me  
_

x**x**x**x**x**x**

Kate flinched at a soft grip on her shoulder.

"Woah, Chill!" Kate spun around to see Hurley's round, compassionate face.

"Sorry," Kate apologized crossing her arms.

"You seem tense, what's up?" He smiled.

"Nothing, I'm just having a bad day."

"Not having a good day, eh? But we're off the island! We're going home!" Kate shook her head.

x**x**x**x**x**x** x**x**x**x**x**x**

fucker I have to pause this as it is quite late here and I've got a plane to catch in a few hours. I need to get some sleep in. peace out :D leave me a review!


	2. Part Two aka Jack's fists of fury

Vermilion

**Author**: ishoot-yourun 

**Disclaimer**: Everything, save my plot, it property of ABC and all the other obscure people who own the show "Lost". 

**Summary**: Reality had not yet set in for anyone. It wasn't possible.. it wasn't probable.. had it actually happened? Set slightly AU after the rescue of the remaining survivors. Kate/Sawyer.Okay, not so "one shot" anymore but whatever. 

**Reviews**:  
_Evermore_: Despite all my praying and wishful thinking, my plane didn't crash, I didn't end up on an island, and I didn't get stranded with Dominic Monaghan. Sucks.

_amberness_: I originally was going to do a songfic.. but it didn't work out. I love the song though.

_Katiiey_: Yeah sort of, but I think mixing Sawyer and Kate is pretty intense anyways

and thank you thank you to _Desert, Freckles, INMH, Shannon Michelle, Lotr3-Hp3,_ and _Kekyl_! :D

**Author's Note**: finally I get back to civilization and the free use of a computer! happy dance This was originally going to be one shot but since I only got halfway through, I'm going to have to do another chapter or no ones going to realize that I added on to number one. SO, without further ado, chapter 2. i added a bit of the song to chapter 1. go reread! 

x**x**x**x**x**x**x**x**x**x**x**x**

Kate flinched at a soft grip on her shoulder.

"Woah, Chill!" Kate spun around to see Hurley's round, compassionate face.

"Sorry," Kate apologized crossing her arms.

"You seem tense, what's up?" He smiled.

"Nothing, I'm just having a bad day." 

"Not having a good day, eh? But we're off the island! We're going home!" Kate shook her head. 

"I know, I just, don't really know how I feel." Hurley paused. 

"Does this, by any chance, have to do with Jack?"

"NO. Well, it has to do with someone. You know, you don't want to hear all my problems. I gotta go." Hurley grabbed her arm.

"Nope, you need to talk with someone and that's why I'm here. So, want to walk?" After a few silent moments, Kate nodded. "Can I guess who this person might be?" Before she could say no, he interposed. "Sawyer, perhaps?" She stared. 

"You're really perceptive, Hurley. You would make a nice therapist." She nervously stated trying to shake the odd feeling she housed in her abdomen with the mention of Sawyer's name. 

"Well now I know what I can do with myself." Hurley beamed. "Okay. So you have feelings for Sawyer?" 

"Oh this isn't working! You're making this seem like a stupid high school crush!" 

"Well? What's the difference? Love comes and goes but it's always the same. Love is always spelled L-O-V-E." He locked eyes with Kate. "You do have feelings for Sawyer." 

"Uh huh." She nodded guiltily. 

"And all this time I thought you hated him." 

"That's just the thing!" Kate exploded as Hurley grinned, amused. "Ugh, I mean I did hate him. Or so I thought. And I was counting the days until I'd be free from his penetrating stare and taunting words.. just him. But, suddenly, I'm here. On this boat. And I'm going home and I'll never see him again if I chose not to. That should make me happy, right? But it doesn't! Because I found out he feels the same way, dammit!" 

"Woah." Hurley froze. "When did this happen?" 

"Earlier today." Kate sighed. "I accidentally heard him talking with Charlie." 

"Wow. So, if you know he feels that way, then why are you upset?" 

"BECAUSE HE'S SAWYER!" Hurley hushed her. "I can't just tell him that. He'd.. He'd like..: 

"Yes? What would he do? Suck your blood?" Kate was lost for words as her companion grinned. "See? You're making mountains out of mole hills. This isn't a problem, it's a blessing!" Hurley waved his hands feeling more and more like a priest every second. Kate rolled her eyes. "Look. All I'm saying is it won't hurt to talk to him. If he feels the same way he's not going to kill you or anything! And he's not going to reject you either. You think it's going to be hard. Why?" Kate smiled. 

"You know, you're right. Thanks." She hugged Hurley warmly and walked off unsure of everything. 

X**x**x**x**x**x**

"To go or not to go." Kate paced her cabin. "That is the question." She had decided she was going to talk to Sawyer. The only problem was getting herself to go. _Okay, I'll go up on the deck and see if he's there. And if not, I'll come back down._ Yes, that sounded like a good plan. She had tried to make herself look her best – taking about the fiftieth shower that whole boat ride (she never really felt clean after the many days of filth on the island) and changed into a fresh pair of clothes, which she too had the privilege of washing earlier. Her hand brushed the handle of the door and she took a deep breath. Hurley was right, she was making mountains out of mole hills. It was almost funny how hard she was making this. With newfound courage she opened her door and waltzed out of the cabin. 

It would have been fairly dark on the deck, had it not been adorned with millions of little lights illuminating the way for passers by. Kate leaned casually against the railing at the front of the ship, taking in the cool night air. By now she was seriously getting second thoughts. _I can't do this._ She repeated. _I just can't._ She quickly left the rail and hurried towards the door. She was just going to have to live her life without him. Yes, she would be forever wondering, but after all, she had no time for a relationship. This was the best way for her. She was always on the run and even though he was Sawyer, another would just get in the way. No sooner had she forced the porthole door open, she ran into someone. 

"Sawyer?" She gasped, preparing herself for one of his taunts. 

"Hi." He responded simply. His surprised face showed no sign of a smirk or a witty remark – just pure surprise. Kate opened her mouth to excuse herself when he asked to walk with her. 

"Okay." Her mouth had responded at her mind's protest. Sawyer led her through the door back onto the deck. They walked a few feet bathing in the gold aurora of the lights. Tired of wondering and surprise, Kate spoke knowing it was now or never. 

"I have a confession to make. Sawyer nodded. 

"Me too." He nervously flashed his grin. 

"Alright, you go first." Kate prompted. 

"I," He began after a deep breath. "I want to apologize for acting the way I did on the island." Her eyebrows raised. 

"Really?" Sawyer nodded. 

"Yes. I acted like a total ass and want you to know that's not how I wanted to come off as." He laughed nervously and stopped walking now that they were at the front of the ship. "I'm sorry I made you hate me." Kate shook her head. "It was all an act to get your attention over Jack's. Yeah, I'm a jealous little boy." He looked down at his hands which nervously fidgeted. "And by some sliver of hope, you could see past that?" Kate smiled. 

"You know, I really did hate you on the island. Once I got on the ship though, I felt as if I were leaving something behind, that I was missing something. I didn't really think of it until I heard you and Charlie talking." 

"You heard that?" He exclaimed, eyes wide. 

"Yeah. And let me tell you, I'm glad I did." She gently grasped his hands and slowly ran her thumb over his fingertips. "Remember when they tortured you for the inhalers? And the following.. events? I knew I felt something but I didn't accept it. Now I have. That mysterious thing I was missing? It was you. I knew I'd never see your teasing grin or heard your heavy southern voice. She pulled Sawyer in closer. "And I can't live without that." Sawyer grinned and kissed her softly. Suddenly they broke apart at the crash of a slamming door. 

"Get off her!" A voice shouted. Sawyer turned and barely missed Jack's flying fist. 

"Jack! Stop it!" Kate ordered. 

"Who do you think you are? You're just going to keep on harassing her, aren't you?" Sawyer shook his head. "Well that's going to stop know." He raised his fist again at Sawyer who stood still not wanting to move or keep coming out above Jack. For once, his life seemed on track and that was more than enough. Getting beat up by the good doctor? Eh, he could take it. Now he didn't need to be better than him. He was happy. Before Jack's fist could collide with Sawyer, Kate grabbed it and twisted Jack around. 

"STOP." She breathed standing between the two. She faced Jack. "He wasn't attacking me. The only one doing the attacking is you, and if the circumstances were any different, I'd welcome it. But the truth now is I love him. Jack, I love him." Jack stared, bewildered. "Yeah, ironic, isn't it." Jack's mouth opened and closed soundlessly like a fish, words escaping him entirely. He turned at slowly staggered towards the door, disappearing below. 

"That will take him a while to get over." Sawyer grinned at Kate's smiling face. 

"I'll go check on him later." Sawyer pulled Kate close. 

"Now where were we?" 

x**x**x**x**x**x**x**x**x**x**x**x**

A/N:yay that's the end, meaning, the end of the fic. No, i'm not writing anymore to this, sorry! This was considerably shorted than last chapter and I really should have just made it one. Oh well. Poor Jack, eh? He'll get over it and everything will work out great and Charlie will still be as hot as hell. Happy New Years!


End file.
